Proverbs 31: A Revised Study

Introduction — The Kind Of Woman I Want To Be

I don’t know about you but I have spent a lot of time being really, really annoyed at Proverbs 31. I’ve also been really annoyed at anyone who suggests I need to be like her. She’s perfect and impossible and… to be honest… to me… she sounded kind of boring. I love to laugh and dance and watch sci-fi and go for long walks and have coffee dates that turn into lunch dates… when does she have time for that? When does she have time for sleep! And I have, from time to time, tried to be her. I’ve tried to be a really, really good servant. I’ve tried to be kindhearted in all things, to go above and beyond for everyone and to be meek and more than merely productive and adequate. But I am left every single time feeling like I fail. I fall short. I find myself, in reading Proverbs 31, to be not worth the effort. I’m not worth more than rubies. I’m probably not even worth rubies. I don’t own vineyards or spin my own cotton. My lamp goes out at night. To be honest, the only verse I really like in the chapter is verse 30: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” So I’ve read it, just like all the other women I know. I’ve studied it, just as every other woman. I’ve felt judged by it, as every other woman. And I’ve let it speak into the wounds of my heart that can be found in just about every woman. Those wounds that say we are not enough and we are too much. We are not worth the fight. Then I, like many others, have grown a little bitter about this verse. I’ve cried out to God, Lord, is this really who you want me to be? If it is, then why did You make me the way I am? Or am I just so far from what you planned it’s irredeemable? I have tried to understand why I can’t be like her. I have looked at is as Solomon writing about his mother, Bathsheba. I’ve looked at it as that there is hope, even for me, to become this one day in marriage. And then, one day, everything changed for me. I want to be Proverbs 31. Desperately. Because I was going through this chapter with a friend in every translation of the Bible I had in the house, just about. And we looked at the Message – which read like an advert for a 1950’s housewife. We looked at the NIV and the NCV and the NKJV and they all said the same sort of thing. You. Are. Not. Enough. And then we looked in the Amplified and it changed my world. We were in shock. How could it be that in all this time we never really knew what Proverbs 31 was trying to say. My friend, for the first time, wanted to marry Proverbs 31. And I, for the first time, wanted to be Proverbs 31. Because of the amazing revelation held within the pages of a translation designed to emphasize the nuance of the original language while retaining a word-for-word translation. And the more I read it, the more I am convinced that this chapter is not just about femininity – though that is the main theme. It’s also about masculinity, and how they both work in partnership together. It is hard to be truly feminine when the man in your life is not truly masculine on a spiritual level. And vice versa. So here, I will go verse-by-verse through Proverbs 31:10-31 and hope to speak to your heart, just as it spoke to ours.

Verse 10

VERSE 10

NIV

A wife of noble characterwho can find?She is worth far more than rubies.

AMP

A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

See, even here it begins. The differences. ‘Noble character’ has become ‘capable, intelligent and virtuous’. Noble character to me always seemed so unattainable. It seemed to be standing in judgment on me from the beginning. She seemed austere, above others, too hard to access. But capable, intelligent and virtuous? I think I can manage that. In fact, I think that that is precisely what I want to be seen as to the world. I want to be capable. I want to be able to be seen as someone who can do things, who is able to complete all tasks assigned to her. Someone who can handle problems. Someone who can look after the people she loves, who can be there for them. Someone who is able, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually and fully aware that this capability comes from the Lord.

I want to be intelligent. And in this, yes, I know I am slightly vain. But it’s true. I want to be different to the Paris Hiltons of this world. I want to be seen as having a personality. I want to be loved and recognised not for my outward appearance, but for who I am on the inside. I want someone to fall in love with me for my head. I talk too fast and think too much and know far too much useless trivia… but it’s who I am. I want to be seen as someone who can make decisions that are balanced and well-reasoned. I want to be seen as someone who is literate and educated.

I want to be virtuous. I want to be seen as having virtues. Who doesn’t? No one wants to be seen as being trashy or without qualities. But virtue is more than that. Virtue is about moral excellence, goodness and righteousness. Righteousness isn’t something that we can attain ourselves. It’s something we have to get from God (Phillipians 3:9). It’s a gift of grace. Being virtuous to me, then, is about coming under God’s covenant. It’s about accepting His grace and pressing ever closer to Him in faith and submitting to His will. And when we are doing that, it will be clear that we have virtue. I don’t think that virtue is about trying really, really hard to live a really, really good life. I think it’s about drawing ever nearer to Jesus, dying to yourself and coming truly alive in Christ.

Do you feel, as I do, already, that there is more meaning here? That this is deeper than you first thought? Are you already desiring, as I am, to be more like her? Doesn’t she already seem more interesting? But let us continue.

Verse 11

VERSE 11

NIV

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

AMP

The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil.

Isn’t she loved? Isn’t this capable, intelligent and virtuous woman so very, very loved? Her husband is not merely confident in her, but he trusts her, relies on her and believes in her securely. Oh for this love! Oh to marry that man! Is it just me or do women love to be relied on? To be irreplaceable? To have that worth? I know it speaks to a need deep inside my heart. A need that I feel I can’t acknowledge. But there it is. And here it is, in Proverbs 31. This is not a man who dismisses his wife with a the thought that she is merely a woman or that as a female she is the weaker sex. This is not a man who ignores the emotional need of her heart, or her suggestions, thoughts and ideas.

This is a man who respects and loves and cherishes his wife. And because of how he cherishes her, it is plain to see that he too is rewarded. He has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. It is not that he lacks nothing of value – it’s that he does not need the things he might gain through dishonesty.

This speaks so deeply into my heart. I ask that you sit for a moment, man or woman, and just let it rest against your heart. I ask that you pray into it. I just keep coming back to the first part of that verse. ‘The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely…’ The heart of her husband. To be trusted with another’s heart is an amazing gift. His heart trusts in her confidently – there is no doubt for him that she will honour him; not doubt that she will not hurt him. He relies on her. Without losing his masculinity or being overcome by her femininity, he relies on her. It’s a partnership. It’s how God intended us to be in the Garden of Eden, helpmeets (Genesis 2:18). He believes in her securely. To me, this is so magnificent. He believes in her. He believes that she can do what she sets her mind to. Believes in her beauty, in her capability, intelligence and virtue. Believes in her heart and her strength. Believes in her, not just her qualities or abilities, but in her. Who she actually is, deep down, intrinsically in her soul. He believes in her. Yes, brothers and sisters I ask you to pause and think calmly on that!

Verse 12

VERSE 12

NIV

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

AMP

She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.

She comforts him. She encourages him. She does him only good as long as there is life within her.

This again comes back to that idea that we are meant to be in partnership, that we are helpmeets for each other. She comforts him. This says to me, firstly, that there is a need for comfort. Which means that it’s going to be hard sometimes. For him and for her. And it means that she is feminine, capable of comforting her man in the way that only she can. In softness and gentle love.

She encourages him. This woman is not merely good. In the movie ‘The Last King of Scotland’ Nicholas Garrigan says that the only problem with being the son of a really good man is that it makes you feel like you’re not good enough. And he’s right. Just as, I imagine, being married to a really good man, or a really good woman, would you make you feel like you’re just not good enough a lot of the time. But this woman is more than good. But she reaches out and encourages her husband to do the same. She encourages him. Reminds him that he is loved. Builds him up. Strengthens him. She inspires him to be a better man.

She honours him in all that she does. She does him good. As long as there is life within her. It’s so desperate and beautiful, isn’t it? That phrase ‘as long as there is life within her’. It’s so poetic and final. It tells the tale of a life lived, seeking to love him above all others, honour him above all others, to do him only good. It’s beautiful. I want to do that for my future husband. In fact, I want to start honouring him now. I want him to be able to look at my life and the decisions I make before I met him and say that I have honoured him by keeping God’s commandments as best I can, by trying to maintain my purity. By living in a way that is good and of the Lord. As long as there is life within me.

Verse 13

VERSE 13

NIV

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

^AMP

^{She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands (to develop it)}

^{Okay, so this verse might be pretty similar. But I think the language difference is notable here. Rather than selecting it, she seeks it out. She’s diligent and committed to her labours and willing to go out of her way to make the right choices, to obtain what she truly wants. Rather than just selecting the best of a bad bunch, so to speak.}

Verse 14

^{VERSE 14}

^NIV

She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

AMP

She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household’s food from a far (country).

I’m not too sure how flattering it is to compare a woman to a merchant ship. But I do like the idea here that she’s not just giving her family what everyone else has. She’s seeking something different. And it’s not just random. Merchant ships had to be selective about what they brought for trade. Things that don’t spoil over long journeys. Things that taste good to the palate of the people they are bringing them to. Things that are different, that you can’t find anywhere else. Things that have worth – they don’t have unlimited space. Merchant ships need to be selective about what they carry, and so does a woman. She needs to be selective about the food she provides for her family. Not just physical food, though it is important, but also spiritual, mental and emotional food.

Verse 15

VERSE 15

NIV

She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

AMP

She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual food] for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.

Well, that’s a bit different, isn’t it? I don’t think that in context, we can look at this verse as meaning before the crack of dawn when they say ‘while it is yet night’. I think we can look at this as being a little bit more metaphoric. She prepares spiritual food for her household from the first. It is the first thing she offers them every day. She organises her household to be productive, diligent and honouring to God and her husband. She is prepared to deliver truth and spiritual food in all circumstances. I want to be that kind of woman. I want to be the kind of woman who in all things is taking the hearts of those around her back to God, nourishing them with things of the Spirit. I want to be the woman who is encouraging those around her to be diligent. I want to be someone who is seen as working hard for God.

Verse 16

VERSE 16

NIV

She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

AMP

She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.

This verse is remarkably different. It’s quite striking really. The NIV translation seems to suggest that this woman is never busy enough. She’s not working hard enough, giving enough or she doesn’t deserve a rest. It’s saying that she is never, not once still. How are we meant to ‘be still and know I am God’ (Psalm 46:10) if we’re never still? The NIV translation says to me that the ideal Christian woman is really tired. She’s overworked. She’s stretching herself out. Somehow, this woman is Wonder Woman. She’s obviously tapped into some sort of strange spiritual ability to never be tired. She’s got powers I can’t even begin to imagine. It’s not hard to see why I was getting bitter about her. I will give her this though: she’s a good steward financially. And that is something that I feel is a very good merit to have.

But let us look at the AMP. She considers it does not mean, here, what it appears to in the NIV. Rather she is considering by only “expanding prudently”, and she’s “not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties”. This woman is a woman who knows how to say no. She knows how to say that she’s tired. Or that she’s reached her limit. She is wise enough to know when she can expand and do more, and when she can’t. Her limitations and her acknowledgment of them do not make her weak or less righteous, or even less in any other way. They make her strong in her wisdom, beautiful in her intelligence and admirable in her prudence.

In the AMP we also see a different meaning behind the word ‘savings’. While she might indeed be acquiring fields out of her own purse, we see here that it’s not just about actual fields. Yes, her efficiency does matter, her diligence and hard work – that is how you get reserves of time and strength. But another way to acquire time and strength is by resting in God, by having a deep, prayerful relationship with Him. This is a woman who knows the merit of rest. Of time spent with her King, and her husband.

I also feel that it becomes clear that the word vineyard isn’t necessarily referring to an actual vineyard. I think it is referring to the Fruit of the Spirit. I also feel that it’s suggesting that this woman will see the fruits of her God-honouring labours. Her efforts will bear fruit. Her children will grow up strong in the Lord, her house will be efficient and honouring to God and her husband will be confident in her, assured in his masculinity and respected within the community. And she will bear the fruit of a deep and meaningful relationship with her Saviour Creator. Don’t you want that? Don’t you long for that? I do. Desperately. I desperately long to be drawn constantly into deeper, more fruitful relationship with God. How could you not?

Verse 17

VERSE 17

NIV

She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

AMP

She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm.

This is so important. We can do nothing save through Christ. We are weak but He is strong. And it’s true, strength is holistic. Spiritual fitness is not a phrase I’ve ever heard before but it does make sense. Mental fitness is important, how can she expect to select the best things for her family if she can’t discern them or if she is easily duped? Physical fitness is vital if she is to be hard-working and diligent.

Of course, these three facets are working together so that she might complete her God-given task. Yes, she has other tasks and chores and errands. And yes she needs fitness in these areas for those too. But the point of developing this strength is for her God-given task. To serve God, we want to be doing His will and offering Him our best. Our utmost for His highest, as it were.